Sibling rivalry is something you have to manage. It is annoying, yes, but with a few tried and tested techniques you can manage most situations.
But what can you do when the rivalry turns into physical violence? For the past 3 months it seems that all my two boys can do is fight!
But what can you do when the rivalry turns into physical violence? For the past 3 months it seems that all my two boys can do is fight!
We tried everything to make it stop. Separating them, trying to talk it through, punishing them but nothing seemed to work. They were always telling on each other, and as parents we felt we had to be involved because of the violence aspect. We found that the more we punished, the more frequent the fighting got.
Having reached my wits end I came to the conclusion that my early childhood education teacher might have THE solution. I gained some great insight from her.
"You cannot stop the fighting", she said, "even if you ban it, they will do it behind your back. Trying to stop the fighting is a lost battle". That was very liberating to hear.
Even better, she suggested that I inform the little boxers in my house that fighting was now permitted with ground rules about where you can or cannot hit. A bit like Fight Club if you like. This, in theory, would take the wind out of their sails.
Having reached my wits end I came to the conclusion that my early childhood education teacher might have THE solution. I gained some great insight from her.
"You cannot stop the fighting", she said, "even if you ban it, they will do it behind your back. Trying to stop the fighting is a lost battle". That was very liberating to hear.
Even better, she suggested that I inform the little boxers in my house that fighting was now permitted with ground rules about where you can or cannot hit. A bit like Fight Club if you like. This, in theory, would take the wind out of their sails.
Children are often fighting to get attention and by getting involved, we are rewarding the bad behaviour. In a nutshell you can't stop the fighting from taking place, so tolerating it deprives the children of the attention they are seeking. In the end they should fight less.
For me this was too simple, it was hard to believe. We hate violence and our children have never even received a slap on the wrist. As much as I trust all our visiting teachers, as they know so much about child development and psychology, I was sceptical. But at that point we were ready to try anything.
The expression on my children’s faces when I told them that fighting was now allowed, providing they did not hit each other in the face or below the waist, was priceless.
For me this was too simple, it was hard to believe. We hate violence and our children have never even received a slap on the wrist. As much as I trust all our visiting teachers, as they know so much about child development and psychology, I was sceptical. But at that point we were ready to try anything.
The expression on my children’s faces when I told them that fighting was now allowed, providing they did not hit each other in the face or below the waist, was priceless.
And guess what…it worked! They don’t push each other’s buttons as much any more because they know what can happen if they do. And on the odd occasion when they get physical, I don’t get dragged into it any more and they stop very quickly. This is not about promoting violence; this is about managing something that we cannot avoid anyway to stop it from getting out of hand.
So if you have tried everything and feel brave enough to tolerate Fight Club in your living room, give this a try. You will be surprised.
Author: Helene Girard
So if you have tried everything and feel brave enough to tolerate Fight Club in your living room, give this a try. You will be surprised.
Author: Helene Girard
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